Why I left BWAMU ..

5 Jul

As you may recall, I have encouraged all you AM and BW interested in BlAsian relationships to sign up with the Black Women Asian Men United discussion group on the Ning network (URL: http://bwamu2.ning.com)

I have served as the group’s co-administrator since it started in November last year and have posted hundreds of times. Certainly, it was a BlAsian site that I felt could rival the Yahoo! BlAsian board PowerCouples_AMBW (which I have moderated for over seven years) in terms of membership volume and volume of posts. What impressed me most with BWAM was the high number of participants involved in thread discussions and the quality of those discussions. I also like that in order to register members needed to post a real pic and commit to certain rules including a committment to particpate frequently. For six months, the site operated smoothly until the early part of May when one member began putting up posts that ranted about offline events of BWAMU members who were out with an underaged member and a complaint about future membership fee. Like many members, I expressed to the moderator my displeasure about these posts because they were lengthy, repetitive and were worded to incite members. Unfortunately, our protests were not heard until several days later after the ranting member had been allowed to cause a significant drop in posts and member participation in various posts. This continued into June and while I was thinking I would stay on, I was starting to wonder if BWAMU’s fate was starting to sound like that of other BlAsian boards (e.g., on AsianAve and DC BWAM on Ning) where the moderators failed to react quickly and effectively enough to drama. But whatever such thoughts were haunting me, I was thinking I would stay around. A development which drove me in the opposite direction happened June 30 when someone put up a post that included a story about the BWAMU moderator/founder’s criminal past which told of his conviction for the murder of a Black woman in 1995. The post was immediately deleted and another post vilifying the member who posted went up and to my dismay the founder failed to address the negative information about his past. While a lot of my work in advocating for better race relations – particularly among Asians and Blacks – involves forgiving people for criminal behavior (you may recall that in May  I asked Asians to consider getting involved in issues involving the Black community after a series of Black-on-Asian incidents occurred in Oakland and S.F.), I also believe that one should not hide the past – especially in this context where the BWAMU board membership is over 90% Black women and the person who is in charge of running this Board had been accused and convicted of murdering a Black woman. I believe I might remained a member of BWAMU beyond last Wednesday had the founder addressed the circumstances of his conviction and given his response to the negative information that was posted about him. But to just delete the information and then attack the poster to me seemed to be almost as disheartening as letting that ranting poster in May post numerous times the same garbage even while myself and other members’ dissent was not heard. Instead of saying anything about the censorship of the June 30 post, I decided to leave BWAMU because I feel that an individual failing to address the circumstances of being convicted for mudering a Black woman on a board like BWAMU where mostly Black women are members is too deeply serious to ignore. I value my integrity and respect for Black people who have enriched my mind throughout my life to be immunized by someone’s refusal to explain a past that  shows a deep disgust for a Black woman’s life. So, I have no misgivings about leaving BWAMU and would suggest all members do so forthwith or at the very least request that the circumstances of the conviction and the crime be thoroughly discussed by the moderator.


20 Responses to “Why I left BWAMU ..”

  1. Bruce-Lee July 7, 2010 at 4:23 am #

    amazing someone put his ass out there….. V is a con artist n user….his black baby mom is pregnant but he telling everyone its not his

  2. Ronica July 8, 2010 at 7:46 pm #

    Thank you, Sam! I left before this came out but always had a feeling that he was not being very truthful with us. I left partly because of my dissatisfaction of not only the members but the moderator himself also.

    I feel the same way as do a few other BWAMU members I talked to. Failing to address and downplay his past is the biggest mistake–also a lack of maturity–he has made. It negates his constant defense that he has changed and his past acts are not of the same man. I also donated money hoping to support this cause, but now I feel that this money is to support not only the repayment to the family of this young woman he has been ordered to compensate, but to support the family that he has on the way.

    As always, I’m all about giving people the benefit of the doubt, I have family that has been incarcerated and know the support they need when coming out of the system, but if you do not address the truth and censor those that want to inform others of the truth so they can make a conscious decision of their own, then you are not what you claim to be. You are taking the choice from those that have a right to know the facts, as well as decide if they want to continue to support such a person in his “vision”.

    I fully support your decision, as well as agree with your reasons. Hopefully a more supportive and honest site comes along to give those that need an outlet a place to congregate and socialize.

  3. N'jaila July 9, 2010 at 12:54 am #

    I understand your choice, I didn’t read the emails about V’s prison time until AFTER I paid the membership fee. :-/

  4. Irene July 10, 2010 at 7:18 pm #

    It’s just sad all the way around, and such a good site too. All he had to do is be honest. Hate to close my page, it was a wonderful site with good people. See you over at PowerCouples_AMBW.

  5. missyme July 25, 2010 at 1:18 pm #

    Wow that guy V kept adding me on my profiles on facebook and telling me to join and my membership is in the process of approval, but now with this information I will not proceed on to this website thanks so much for the post ^_^

  6. Safiyyah August 7, 2010 at 8:11 pm #

    I haven’t been on that site in a while and I left because I didn’t feel I was going to find my match. I will try PowerCouples_AMBW.

  7. diya August 10, 2010 at 11:50 am #

    i hardly go on that site anymore…it seemed like a “hook up” site than a community site. i thought the chat room waa cool until i realized its more like a “hooking up chat room” and bw fantasying over am. (rolling my eyes) i just left.

  8. N'jaila August 10, 2010 at 12:27 pm #

    if you guys want to use my forum as a substitute feel free, if there is enough people I’ll get some mods for you guys

  9. Melissa August 11, 2010 at 3:21 pm #

    Wait , what!? Murder!?

    • nobhillwriter August 14, 2010 at 8:57 pm #

      He murdered a 13-year-old Black woman in ’95 while he was in high school and he was 15. Read the initial post for details.

      • Knulaknups September 14, 2010 at 9:23 am #

        Here’s what Google (just) dug up. No personal comments/opinions on the matter itself. http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2000/aug/22/20000822-011842-5713r/

        As far as the site goes, I rarely visited. When I did, I was always being told to participate. Thus I tried the chat room, but meh, to me single ladies swooning over AM.

        -Sorry, but I actually have an AM at home (and before him an AM at home, if the relationship ends … you get the idea. Never had a problem “hooking-up”. A site about maintaining AMBW’s relationships, families and/or households would be cool, though. –

        So I participated the best I could by having some single AM friends join the site. I will be calling them today.

  10. Jai August 15, 2010 at 10:17 pm #


    I left way before then due to personal conflict with other members, but I do understand and completely agree why you left. I felt that BWAMU could’ve been something if the allegations were handled a different way.

    The past is what makes us who we are. We can’t deny what happened nor we can’t change the fact that it happened. He should’ve owned up and explained the situation, whether he was truly convicted or just a “victim” of the system. I put victim in quotation marks as I believe that the system is very just, but there are a few REAL cases that people are innocent.

    All in all, to those who are just venturing into BlAsian relations and joined BWAMU, I feel for them.


  11. Eri August 16, 2010 at 9:37 pm #

    Damn that really just hit me over the head. Since I stopped going on the site as much I didn’t get a chance to catch the thread about the site creator’s charges. While I knew he had done jail time, I had no idea it was for murder. I feel little sick… But needless to say I feel I never got much out of the site. Well I guess it’s on to the next one. Suggestions?

  12. monaymonroe September 8, 2010 at 6:40 am #

    I didn’t know it was for murder! Oh that’s awful. Well, I’m not on the site as often but will keep an eye on the site. Nice Blog Sam!

    • nobhillwriter September 8, 2010 at 1:08 pm #

      Thanks for you kudos and post, girl! I miss you. Will write more soon tryin’ to wake up and git ta work! Take Care & Very Warm Regards, sAm

  13. Vouthynar Sovann February 25, 2011 at 4:45 pm #

    I definitely understand and understood your decision. What I did do was plainly put out what I was involved in on DC-AMBW, and I thought everyone knew -and the first person I told was the Moderator of that site (Amaryllis – S.Smith) – I posted on her site about my criminal history in detail. I didn’t consider that most of the members on Bwamu were new, and yes, I was going through some stressful times and I should have heeded your advice about some drama (that partly I fed into) on the site. Now that I look back, I was so busy building the site, I assumed that it would go through the grapevine anyways because the core members were from DC-AMBW.

    I am a convicted murderer, but the details of the case more more sensationalized than most people think. To me, I felt I told people about my criminal past, and I had a post on my Facebook, which was public, until my boss told me to take it off when I was working for the Multi-Housing Firm. Since then, I included a “30 things about V” in my notes section, because I left that employment when I started school. How does one person tell over 1,000 people one by one about his past so easily? I thought I did a good job at being honest…but I suppose I’ll never be good enough at it. I did assist in the murder, I was a coward, and I was released on reconsideration after more evidence came out on my part.

  14. Kim February 27, 2011 at 2:50 pm #

    He just got out of jail recently, as in october 2010. HE IS UP TO SOMETHING!!!!!


    I AM FUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. Susan February 27, 2011 at 2:53 pm #

    He just responded ( feb 24/2011) to this article on the website. I am shocked. I’m a recent member and when I read his response to this article, which contains the link to this site. I was beyond disappointed. I told a few girls that I know on the forum and I also told one person who I befriended on the forum as well. One girl on the site currently has pictures of herself playing dead with fake blood and holding a knife. A red flag, should have gone up when I noticed some members on the site seemed a bit…well off. For some reason I don’t think he is the only former prisoner on the site. Your article really opened my eyes. Something is not right. Plus,I noticed you posted this in JULY!!! As in 2010!!!! This raised, my eyebrows even more!!! Why wait all the way until LATE February 2011 to respond!!! In his response on the site he responded that he “assisted” to a murder. When I read the gruesome details of the crime within the washington post link…I was done. This is very deep!!! It really made me feel uncomfortable and made me wonder what type of person he really really is. I’m really hurt by all of this and to think I wanted to donate money to the site, etc. I’m hurt, shocked and disappointed. I really liked the site but I’m no longer part of it. I deleted my profile. Your article opened my eyes. You also mentioned there are some members who went out with underage members on the site…This is just plain wrong!!! I’m so disgusted I can’t….Way to much for me.

  16. HazelD March 28, 2011 at 9:12 pm #

    he also just put up a post on bwamu2 (on which i am a member) about it..i responded and he has not responded on anyone’s post…im starting to think its about what he wants to hear….forgiveness?? i dont know…sympathy? indifference? i cant give any of those..i am still a mmber but i am side eyeing this whole thing..its suspicious… and this : KIM

    He just got out of jail recently, as in october 2010. HE IS UP TO SOMETHING!!!!!


    I AM FUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    really scares me..its like..wait..what??? geezee…i was starting to think i should create a forum for bw/am where everyone commits to a standard and decorm that is not rigid but “normal” by that i mean runs smoothly..non cliquey members..no crazy horn dogs or criminals either..but that may be to much to ask

  17. Guest April 23, 2011 at 5:42 pm #

    disgusted. hurt. offended. scared. deleting my profile ASAP. Do not approve me! Thank you Thank you for getting this info out there.

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